Lion King, and aisle seat stealing pandas

It’s been a little break for me from blogging, but I’m back! Shit’s about to hit the fan. I’ve been reading up on articles online, snapping pictures and figuring out what I’d like to write about this time. This blog is gonna be all over the place, so get set for some laughs.

Now by now I’m sure we’ve all seen The Lion King. I mean, come on. The movie was made in 1994 (Which incase anyone wanted to know, I had to google). The movies all about family and pride and commitment. Now I have nothing against The Lion King, that’s not what I’m laughing at. In this movie you also see the “circle of life” and how animals co-exist in the jungle together. It’s cute, it’s realistic (so they say), and it kinda makes you feel sad for all those helpless animals out there. But scrolling the net, I stumble across things that made me think “Lion King, you were waaaaay fucking off”. Just take a look:

That giraffe is trying to fuck that donkey (thanks Captain Obvious). You’re too damn tall to make it happen buddy. That’s not even the same species. Could you imagine what their love child would look like? It’d be a horrible looking animal that even the liger would poke fun at.

Now sticking to the animal kingdom theme I seem to have going here, I again was scrolling the net reading weird and fucked up articles. I’m reading up on this animal sanctuary, where they let all the animals roam freely in their habitat’s and allow them to co-mingle with one another. Easy going, free spirited. Sounds good, right? Well when you let this happen, shit like this happens:

Those tiger cubs are two steps away from realizing “shit, you know if we we’re a little older, we wouldn’t be sucking this pig’s teet, we’d be eating this mother fucker”. And then it comes to mind, those other 2 pigs must be thinking “I dunno about you, but something is fucking messed up about those other two piglets”. One pen over they have a panda sucking a rhinoceros off.

Taking flights can be a hassle these days for travellers with the effect of 9/11 and now with some airlines completely closing up shop in the midst of people’s vacations leaving them stranded. Conquest, eat shit. To just drop people off in an exotic location, they think they’re going to have the time of their lives. They expect that a plane will be there to pick them up and take them home. I felt really bad for the people stranded in Mexico, but then thought “fuck, they’re stranded on vacation. It’s not like they we’re held there by terrorists”. It sucks they got stranded for several days, but if you wanna get stranded, let it be somewhere tropical as long as you have some friends or family there with you. And here’s a question: Why are the aisle seats always the most sought after? I like a window view, it lets you see things you wouldn’t be able to see otherwise. It’s a bitch to get to the bathroom but it’s got a nice view. Regardless, why does this guy get the aisle seat?:

He’s a fucking panda, that’s why. That guy could rip your dick off in one try and you’d never see that shit again. Plus with all the bamboo that guy had before he got on the plane, you don’t wanna be in his way when he has to make a run for the bathroom. (By the way, I find this picture absolutely hilarious)

BONUS: Fooooore!

This has nothing to do with anything animal related, I just found it a little funny. Kudos to them for making me laugh though.