Crackberry addicts, welcome!

This lovely device has brought people from all over the world together, and at times made us all complete zombies to it’s effect. But nevertheless, you can’t help but wonder what has people so hooked. And honestly, you can’t go ANYWHERE these days and not see at least 1 to say, oh 100 Blackberry’s glued to people’s ears and hands (not at the same time).

Now the Blackberry has come so far. If you’ve ever seen one of those rickety old shit Blackberry’s, you know what I mean. I don’t think those things even allowed you to text or make calls. It was strictly for emailing purposes. It’s like the stone age with those pathetic Blackberry’s.


But that’s not even the worst of it, RIM put out a device that did nothing except send and receive email. That’s it. There is no extra features, upgrades or applications. This piece of shit is a fancy pager. No wonder it never sold. Thank God they stuck to phones.

People who own a Blackberry, or even people who don’t own a Blackberry get hooked on the things. It could be the texting, it could be the web browsing capabilities (I’m making it sound like I’m trying to sell this shit, eh), or it could be just so you can say “look how awesome my phone is!” in which the response is someone swiping your Blackberry from your arrogant ass. Whatever it is that people are addicted to, it seems to be ever growing. Try to take a Blackberry from someone and they might just go Bruce Lee on you and start throwing anything in there vicinity at you (of course not anything that would damage their Blackberry). It’s the technology equivalent of crack, but people can’t get enough of them.


Now one thing that bugs me, is seeing kids who you know are too young to have cell phones but they still do. Come on, who are you kidding?! Who the fuck are you calling, and why the fuck are you not with a parent or guardian? The world is a scary place out there and if someone wants to punk a cell phone from someone, it’s gonna be a kid. But this is just another level all in itself. How young does it have to go before we’re saying to ourselves “stop this madness. Why does that 12 year old have a cell phone and why is it better then mine?”. This is where I draw the line:


Who’s that fetus calling? It knows two people at this point, it’s mother and father. And even that’s a far stretch. Can’t you at least wait til the kids out of the womb? (Yes people, I do know that photo is not real). Now if this kid can work a Blackberry at age one, imagine what else he can do.


The Blackberry has affected the way people live and run their lives. All the accessories you can get for the damn thing is ridiculous. Like this, check this out:


A sun visor for your Blackberry? Are you fucking serious?! Now I know some people are really protective over their Blackberry’s, but that is just ridiculous. What’s next, Blackberry earrings? Oh wait, too late.


And for all you fans of Christmas, don’t forget to run out and get your great new Blackberry inspired (that’s how the website quotes it. I think it’s just an old Blackberry with paint and decorations. The website also quotes it’s “for your Crackberry addict”) ornament. It’ll be sure to have someone screaming “Why the fuck would someone do something so horrible to a Blackberry?!”.


Did anyone know there’s a Blackberry mascot?! It’d be kind of funny to see a giant Blackberry walking around, but this is just dumb. As if they need a mascot to promote their product. They’re the hottest selling smartphones there are. And not even that, the mascot is ever changing. I smell something fishy here. They’re watching us, ha ha. So if you see the Blackberry mascot, resist the urge to want to check your email or a text cause you’ll be poking something that’s not a button.




BONUS: Hail to the chief


Yes people, Obama is still using his Blackberry. At first he was told no he couldn’t but if you tell a Crackberry addict they simply can’t have it, they’ll flip the fuck out and start a big rant on “why you can go to hell”, ha ha.

P.S. I’d like to thank the brilliant and great people I based this blog on, my BB companions: Robyn, my dad, Matt, Amber and most importantly saving the best for last, Kristin :).


One Response to “Crackberry addicts, welcome!”

  1. OKAY LMFAO at the Fetus… That was the best!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: