Archive for November, 2010

I’m Baaaaaaaaaaack!

Posted in Uncategorized on November 2, 2010 by humourgod87

Holy fuck it’s been forever since I blogged. Been neglecting this a lot but no more. I am back and I have some shit I wanna talk about. Funny things, things that piss me off, things that I just don’t get why they have any use in the world. I’ve got a bunch of stuff written up so there should be some continuous blogs for awhile. Let’s get into this shit though, we have lots to talk about.

What is up with pomegranates?! First off if you like pomegranates, why? You probably eat them in some food that has it in it or some new energy drink that promises to boost your immune system or give you legs the size of tree trunks. Either way, it’s the most stupid fruit I have ever come across. Seriously, you eat what maybe 100 little “seed” shaped things and the rest is garbage. Imagine if we ate oranges this way. “Hey honey, were you gonna finish this orange?”. “Nah, that actual fruit. Throw it out! I already ate the peel.”. Pomegranate, you make the What The Fuck list.

I went on a field trip last week with my nephew. We went to the Canadian Legion for Remembrance week (Don’t ask why they chose October 18th-22nd Remembrance week). It got me thinking, didn’t you always feel upset when you went on a field trip and the bus drove by your house? Wait for it. Wasn’t it worse when the bus drove by your house and you still had to go back to school? What the fuck was up with that?! I usually was bused to school and half the time the driver I had was driving on the field trip. You know where I live! It never worked out that way eh. Can’t win ’em all.

Is anyone else annoyed by those late night dating commercials? Honestly, we’ve all seen them and each time I see one they get more and more outlandish with their claims. For example: “Call now and be hooked up with the hottest people in town!”. For one, the woman on the commercial. She’s a paid model. For two, she wouldn’t be using that service to find guys if her life depended on it. She’d much rather be out finding guys who actually get out of their mom’s basement. Another outlandish claim: “Everyone fun and exciting is staying in on a Saturday on (Fill in Dating Site here)”. Get real. All the fun and exciting people are out on a Saturday, or at least not going on a dating service over the phone. All that aside though, one thing makes me laugh at these commercials. Do you ever notice how both the man in the commercial as well as the woman in the commercial both seem to be talking at the same time? Next time you see one, take a look. How do you possibly hear what they’re saying if you’re talking at the same time? Haha, what?!

And finally for this comeback blog, I offer a small bit of humour. I’m a very humourous person (so I’ve been told) and I like to imagine possible scenarios. Imagine this: How in the fuck did a pirate with hook hands do sign language? I know what you must be picturing and it probably looks something like this:

Yeah, it made me laugh quite a lot. Could you imagine the other difficult things a pirate had to endure? Like how the hell did he go to the bathroom with hook hands (That one I won’t even touch with a 10 foot pole), or how did they clap? Haha, there’s really no way to know, unless someone feels like hopping in their Deloreon and going back to teach the pirates with hook hands sign language. Didn’t think so. I’ll write again soon so be sure to keep an eye out.