Archive for August, 2009

Space invaders from Kitchener

Posted in Uncategorized on August 11, 2009 by humourgod87

You know what pisses me off? When people deliberately invade your personal space. I’m not talking people butting in where they have no business being, or listening and eavesdropping. No, I’m talking those mother fuckers who can see that you shoved into a two by two space already and they STILL think “can you squeeze over an inch? I just wanna get right there which then I’ll be in your space but I don’t care cause I’m fucking ignorant”. Umm no, no I won’t squeeze over an inch, but they don’t bother to ask cause they think you’ll just be fine with it. Well guess what stupid person one and two on the bus yesterday, fuck you. I have a huge duffle bag, and myself shoved into a space that someone of my size with that bag should not be. But let your fucking niece or daughter or whoever the hell it was just rampage the bus. While you’re at it, get the fuck out of my space and maybe take those three seats to your left, and sit your ass down.


I had the unfortunate news last week that my Great Aunt had passed away from a stroke. All I could think about was how awful it was going to be to attend the visitation and the funeral. No one likes to go to those. When do you ever see Joe so and so saying “Wait, Grandma died? Awesome, I can’t wait to get my good suit out so I can show it off to all the ladies!”. But then there’s that one thing that I totally forgot I could look forward to. Well alright, two things I could look forward to. One, seeing family I hardly get to see and two, free candy. You don’t even have to deposit a quarter in there, nothing. It’s totally free. You could take the bowl, empty it into your purse or your pockets and there’s no real shame in taking it. It’s free people! I did notice one downside to the free candy though, there were only mints. There were no fruit flavored ones, but it’s free candy. Who’s complaining?


If anyone who’s anyone have been bored recently, a good idea sometimes is to pop in a movie. You know what the annoying thing is though about ALL these movies nowadays? They all run the stupidest, most idiotic commercials before the film. I’m not talking those ones where you see a monkey dial a phone and order a pizza, no. I’m talking those ones where they need to tell you that downloading movies is illegal. And then then need to make up a ridiculous rating like it’s a movie or something, “Downloading movies is rated I for illegal”. These commercials are rated FR, for fucking retarded. Even with all these downloading illegal content cases in court, it still doesn’t stop people from doing it. Do you think sending us on some biblical guilt trip will stop us either? Things like “would you steal a purse? Would you steal a TV? Stealing movies is stealing”. Fuuuuuck off! What are you gonna tell us next, that stealing movies will make us impotent?


You’d think if you were a donor you’d know it, right? Not all the time it seems. My sister works for a research company and they were looking for people who are organ donors, and people who aren’t organ donors. She calls up a women, around her mid-30’s and asks her if she’d like to take part in the survey to see if she qualifies to be put into a paid focus group. Sure, why not. This woman doesn’t even realize she’s an organ donor though. She goes to check her health card, maybe it was her driving license. Either way, turns out this woman is an organ donor and she never even knew it this whole time. How do you not know you’re an organ donor?! This sounds like another one of these ridiculous TLC reality TV shows like “I didn’t know I was pregnant”. Well maybe if you shut your legs and didn’t fuck like the Energizer bunny, you’d know tramp.

donor-cardListening to the radio the other day on the way to the train station (I know it sounds like I’m from the 40’s era, but just stick with me here), and I hear this triumphant commercial talking about bringing the Olympics back to Canada in 2010 and how great it will be to see Canadians win gold on their home territory. That’s awesome, and I hope that we do. The funny thing about this commercial is that the end of it is as quotes: “This belief is brought to you in part by the Vancouver 2010 Olympics”. One, who sponsors beliefs? If people could just get things by believing in them, many people would be believing they could fuck a stripper, not get an STD and she’d call you back. Get over it tanto, it aint happening.


Speaking of strippers, check out this picture below. Who has a bachelor party and invites women. But not only that, who brings a baby to it?! That woman is whipping her tit out on the spot and letting that dude lick a shot off her. That’s awesome, but come on. Could you not get a babysitter?


Back on topic though, just believing in something doesn’t make it happen. Like for instance, just because I wanna believe The Wiz was a good movie, I know for a fact that it was fucked up and that the director and several cast and crew were probably high out of their minds when they made that movie.


Random photos to make you laugh


Hannah Montana AA Pass. I kidd you not people. I’m sure it isn’t what it sounds like but the label is what it is.


There was a no smoking sign that had been repainted near the entrance to the mall. Right along the edge of the freshly painted sign, a cigarette butt.