Archive for May, 2009

Garage sales, flushable wipes and “shocker” traffic signs

Posted in Uncategorized on May 30, 2009 by humourgod87

The warm weather has hit, and that means a whole shitload of things to come. Last weekend there was a garage sale and barbecue at the apartment I live in. Okay, maybe there wasn’t a barbecue but there should have been. Fuck it, I never even went to the garage sale either. And on that point, I guess it was just a sale, cause there was no garage, but is there ever these days? Think about it, in a few years down the road garage sales, rubbish sales, whatever you wanna call them, they’re gonna be phased out. Sites like Kajiji and craigslist are making the favourite pastime of garage sale hunting a thing of the past. By the way, who’s favourite thing is that?! They make it sound like a sport ha ha.

garage_sale_kajiji

You ever think of how things they invent can make the world a better place? No, me either. But strolling through the store the other day, I happen to see this:

cottonelle

Moist flushable wipes, really?! I mean come on Cottonelle. I hear this is a new phase going around, where people now prefer wiping with moist wipes instead of the regular old 2-ply (or for all you restaurant owners out there, the dreaded 1-ply). This is ridiculous to me. How did they test the differences between the 2 products. I think it’s hilarious Cottonelle, a brand known for selling it’s toilet paper would sell such a thing. I guess it’s better then some no name coming out with it though, cause no one would buy that shit if it was 99¢.

Reading over a story online, I found this interesting bit that says  that Ronald Reagan (whom most of us know from his presidency) had auditioned for a movie role in which he would star as the President of the United States. For everyone not aware of things, Ronald Reagan was an actor before he was the ACTUAL President. The funny thing is, is that the movie executives thought that he did not have the “presidential look” to pull it off in the movie so he was turned down. If Reagan winning the presidency in 1980 wasn’t the biggest “Fuck you” ever, ha ha. You tell ’em Ronald (it’s cool, I can call him that. We used to be poker buddies).

ronald_reagan2

It’s time for another installment of “Signs of the recession”. This shit is all over the place now. You can’t drive two minutes down the road without seeing some bullshit sign whether in favour or against the recession. Now when I say in favour, it’s against it but they try to put a positive spin on it. You know the signs I mean. Signs like “Sick of the recession? Come in for a $2 burger!”, or “Recession hitting you hard? Let us change your oil for a low price!”. That last one might be a little less likely, cause I know when the recession is hitting me hard, I don’t think how much I might need an oil change. But take a look, at how many different things I can find that show the ever growing recession:

inspection-report

That’s an inspection certificate. Great, at least they passed inspection. Wouldn’t something like that be of importance though, and maybe deserve a frame at least. No, it’s safe up high on that electrical box, don’t worry about it ha ha. Then check out this:

Security-stupidity

That folks, is a Smart car security vehicle. Security firms can’t even afford to get full sized cars anymore, fuck the recession. If you had to take someone into custody and wanted to hold them in your car, it’d better not be someone over 150 lbs or they’re not fitting in that fucker.  Funniest thing of the week….oh wait, I’m not done my blog yet.

BONUS: Shocker or flipping the bird, you decide!

IMG00257

It’s not great quality, but at first glance I thought this sign was flipping the middle finger, but look at it again and it might seem like a shocker. This one’s for you Kristin ha ha. Send your thoughts!

Kraft Dinner Doritos, sweater vests and downright lies

Posted in Uncategorized on May 20, 2009 by humourgod87

Holy shit! It’s been fucking forever since I’ve blogged. But who gives a fuck, I guess you people reading this might, so it’s time to blog away.

I stumbled upon a culinary masterpiece a couple weeks ago, and fuck was it good. For all you people wondering what is was, it was Kraft Dinner and crumbled ranch doritos. Fuck, it is so good! It made me think, how did other combinations come together, and more so, what else might taste good together. Some things you love separately, like cotton candy. Nothing tastes quite as good as some sugar on a stick. And then there’s rum. Who doesn’t love a nice rum and coke. But together, those two would taste like shit! Back to the doritos thing though, absolutely fantastic food for kids and adults. If you’re looking for something new to try, or just wanna wonder what to do with the crumbs in the bottom of the bag, try this fucking recipe. Yes, I call it a recipe cause it’s worthy enough to be in a cookbook. If you eat this and don’t like it, you’re taste-buds are fucked.

KD-Doritos

I was driving around town a couple weeks back and I saw a sign (I really wish I had had time to take a picture) that was along the lines of this: “Pointts Traffic Tickets. Beware of imitations, come see the experts!”. Okay, what?! There’s imitation traffic ticket fighting agencies? I’d think if you wanted to fight a traffic ticket, you wouldn’t care what the name of the place was, as long as they assure you that you have a good chance of getting off scott free. In this recession world we live in right now, Pointts, you need to accept the fact that there is other places that do this and just laugh it off. I seriously can’t believe this is there strategy to get you to stop using competitors. You don’t see Visa telling Mastercard users that using MC will give you herpes. Pointts, you are hilarious!

visa-mastercard-STD

p.s. Mastercard users, you’re safe. You will not get herpes. As for you American Express users….well…yeah.

What is with sweater vests?! I’m just coming right out and saying it, they’re fucking stupid. It’s like “hmm I wanna be warm, but you know what? Fuck keeping my arms warm too. It’s not like I need them!”. And who the fuck wears these things? Uptight, white, business type men looking to look professional. Let me give you a tip idiots, it’s called a tie and a button up collared shirt. Preferably that shirt should be ironed and should be accompanied by black dress pants. Then just to give people you have the image of professionalism, wear dress shoes. If someone gets all the way to the shoes and thinks “I think some black high tops would complete this look”, dear God, no! Just stop living, it’d be better for everyone.

sweater-moronSomething occurred to me while roaming through the grocery store today. I saw a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Now you might be thinking “how is this gonna be funny?”, and I thought the same thing. But there’s a point to this, trust me. Here it is: What nut exactly is in Honey Nut Cheerios? There isn’t one, that’s what one. In this peanut scared world, you’d think they’d mention that somewhere. What gives the cereal it’s “nut” flavour? I think it’s hilarious that I’ve never noticed this, and I give General Mills kudos for tricking us all for so long.

Cheerios

Watching Arthur 2 last week (and by watch I mean sorta listen to as I drew on the “sidelines”), I was like “why am I watching this?”, haha. Though I did get a good laugh from the ending. No, it’s not that I didn’t like the cheesy “he wins in the end and it’s all better” ending. It’s the freeze frame ending. And I’m not alone on this one here. I caught the tail end of Hello Again, another 80’s flick and again it ended in a freeze frame. Could these films not afford a true straight to black ending? Look at some 80’s movies and you’ll see it. When you do, laugh and think “hey, that Alex guy was right. He’s fucking smart”.

dirty-dancing

p.s. It’s a point to note, I know I used a Dirty Dancing image and I know the movie didn’t use a freeze frame ending (as far as I know).

BONUS: Turning the world on it’s side

IMG00161

Apparently the library wanted to have bigger monitors, so it turned them on its side. Notice how big it is if it had been left the way it was, haha.