Pregnancy scares, heart attacks and playas

Blog time fuckers! It’s April fools day, the day when you can play practical jokes on unsuspecting (though isn’t everyone you play a joke on this way?) people to get a laugh for your own pleasure. To some of these people I applaud your creativity and ingenuity. But there’s some out there who are still using the oldest shit in the book and to them I say get fucking original moron, your shit isn’t cutting it. This isn’t ’89. One practical joke I heard someone do I thought was brilliant was that shortly after having a child with her husband, the woman opted to have her tubes tied. For her joke she told her husband she was pregnant. Now that’s enough to make you go “what the fuck?!”, but she topped that. She did it over the phone, and had her husband totally fooled. In fact the husband was so pissed off he was calling the doctors every last name in the book and threatening to hang up the phone so he could call his lawyer to sue the asses off the doctors. Now this is why I find it so brilliant. It did what it was meant to do and it pissed him right the fuck off, but towards the right people. Cutting a hole in the bottom of the milk bag, fuck off. That ain’t funny.

hulk-pregnant

What the fuck is with every place in the history of the fucking fast food world getting their own versions of snack wraps. Whether it be the chicken snack wrap from Tim Horton’s. Please, you’re a coffee place firstly, and a fast food joint secondly. Yes, it’s cool you wanna compete in the dominancy that is snack wraps but stick to donuts and cookies. But that’s not even what’s the worst. McDonalds has recently introduced a wrap version of their most popular burger, the big mac. The big mac snack wrap is a fucking atrocity. I thought snack wraps were meant to be healthier, at least in some form. This is fucking disgusting, and whoever is that stupid to buy one, I hope the extra calories clogs you up.

mac-attack

Also, check this out. I typed in big mac snack wrap and look what showed up:

picture-1

Hilarious!

So I’m going to the ATM the other day, (that’s a bank machine for all you people going “What the fuck is an ATM?”) and naturally it’s late so I have to use that one they place outside the bank. No problem, or so I think. I get there and just as I reach for my card this no non-sense girl leaps out of nowhere and grabs the ATM. It’s only a few minutes to use an ATM, so no biggy. To all us normal people it only takes a couple minutes tops, not these douchebags. They must have taken there card out 3 times and pushed all the buttons on the machine. First off, learn how to use an ATM, secondly get the fuck out of line for us people who have real transactions to do. And I say that cause literally, they didn’t deposit or take out money. It’s like they wanted to see what every button did.

atm-fuckup

This blogs been mostly things that are annoying in a sense, but some of them still manage to give me a chuckle. Here’s one that does both. Playas. Some people have this apparent “skill” and some, well not so much. Firstly the things that bug me to no end, what sort of achievement do you get out of this? You can talk the talk, and walk the walk, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. It causes blocks and drama. But there is a funny part to it. Those people who couldn’t play to save a kitten from a burning tree (my analogies suck, ok). They try to play like two or three different people at a time, and hope that it can all melt together well. But then something gets out of hand, and suddenly you’ve got some person who thought you were crushing on them suddenly a stalker you have to watch your back for. The stalker thing, not so cool. But the fact someone got played and then gets so aggravated over it that they’d stalk the person who did it, that’s hilarious. They’re not going to get anything out of it in the end except maybe a restraining order. The moral of the story is, don’t try to play creepers who if you turn on them are suddenly enemies who would kill to see you in the alleyway behind KFC.

hugh-playa

BONUS: Springtime is here motherfucka’

I saw this car in the mall parking lot the other week, you know what that means. And if you don’t, please look up a few inches to the bonus title.

img00022

I’d also like to point out, if I make a laugh at your expense in this blog it’s cause I like you. Making a joke and being able to take it is one of the highest forms of flattery. So for all you who have graced the presence of my blog writing, thanks for being interesting to write about.

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Pregnancy scares, heart attacks and playas”

  1. wanna hear something gross… the big mac wrap is made with the same meat they make the quarter pounder with… but the actual big mac is made with “big mac” meat……. ewwwwwwwwwwww
    LOL

  2. omfg alex too funny so i finally read it and i love it as usual lol the pregnancy thing is sooo not funny lol…….that would be scary lol…..the playa thing omg lol stalkers are fucked and we all know who they are lol hahahahaha weather they are male or female

  3. sexiimama Says:

    Ohhhh my.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: