Farmer’s markets, mohawklet’s and free shampoo

I blog when I have stuff to blog about, mostly when I’m bored and I love having loyal readers and fans of my blogs. So first off those loyal, fan readers of my blog out there, thanks. I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would blog. It never clicked with me, and partly I thought “Who the fuck would wanna read stuff that goes through my head? Who honestly would find this as funny as I did?”. For my loyal readers this has been far too long to wait for my next entry. So without wasting too much of your time and making it all nostalgic, here it is. Fuck sakes, I’ve got a bunch to talk about.

I haven’t been to a farmer’s market in forever!  But I went last week, and I must say….it’s a little over done. Just kidding, but really it was a lot of fun. There is some things about those market’s that just bugs the shit out of me though. People who to me sell some shit no one in there right mind would buy. That bugs me enough, but then seeing someone buy the shit I think “how fucked are you? You just bought a toaster scraper!” I saw some really stupid shit the other day at the market, take a look:

croc

Also at the market, you see plenty of interesting and sometimes weird displays. They want you to get to know the product before you buy it pretty much. Now a little taste sample here and there is great, and a free display of shameeze is all fair, but this took it too far:

ball-massager

Are you kidding me?! Who wants a pair of fabricated, electronically controlled man-balls massaging them? Could you see a woman at home saying “Honey, whip your balls out, rub some oil on my back and go to town”. No, cause it doesn’t happen.

So I go to get my hair cut the other day, get in, leave my name, and they tell me it’s a half hour wait. “Great”, I say. I’ll go walk around a bit come back and drop in leisurely right as the half hour is up. Turns out I put the wrong time on the sheet, and I guess I’d just go back earlier. I’m looking through hair magazines (shit like New Doo Weekly. Honestly who gets a new doo every week?!), and there is some atrocious shit in there. It must have been from the late 80’s, early 90’s. Needless to say when I sit down you think the first question would be “how would you like it cut?”, but no this broad asks me if I want it shampooed. At first my initial thought was “Is this extra”, then was “Well I showered before, do I need to”. So I figure, why the fuck not. Then as I’m getting it lathered and rinsed, it occurs to me. I haven’t had anyone else wash my hair since I was….5. People pay these people to do something so simple. Again, might I mind you this was the hair cutting place in Wal-Mart, so enough said. The haircut turned out great so I looked past the awkwardness. But it’s funny, after she shampooed and dried my hair she got this real awkward “soooo, what’s up” kind of attitude to her like she’d just given a blow job in the back room.

p.s. I was doing spell check and blow job spelled as one word is a typo, there’s a space but the computer still knew what I was meaning to type. Sick fuck of a laptop.

shampoo

My brother Rodger and I swear, anyone could take stories from Wal-Mart and make that into a blog of it’s own. I know I’d read it cause almost everyone’s Wal-Mart stories tie into one another.

These days, people have gotten accustomed to drinking something they could get out of a tap from a bottle. What is with the water phenomenon going on? (Might I point out, I drink the bottled stuff like it’s water….wait, it is). People haven’t used tap water for drinking since the civil war. It’s not healthy people say. Now I can see people’s concerns, and a water bottle is convenient when you’re out on the go. But the newest “green friendly” (because what, plastic bottles aren’t recyclable enough) thing is water in a tetra-pack. For fuck sakes, get a life! Anyone sees a person with a water bottle, and think “hey, easy to carry and concealable”. Then you have yourself a tetra pack and people think “is this guy carrying water flavoured broth to cook up some soup?”.

tetra-pack-water

Mohawklet. Yes, some of you might be wondering, what the fuck did he just say? And also what the fuck is it? It’s possibly the worst fucking haircut/hairstyle someone could have. It’s my own word for someone with a mohawk (or even a faux hawk), combined with a mullet. That my friends, is a mohawklet. I know this sounds like a new drink from Starbucks, but come on. Seriously, you fucking douche get a real haircut and stop jerking off to Cyndi Lauper.

douchbag

BONUS: No fries?!
Going for lunch a couple weeks back, I look over the menu, see a delicious clubhouse sandwich and am sold on it. I ask for gravy on the side for my fries cause that’s how I roll. The plate gets there, and the gravy and to my own stupidity, it seems the sandwich came with coleslaw, not fries. Fuck, I was stupid that day ha ha.

missing-fries

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3 Responses to “Farmer’s markets, mohawklet’s and free shampoo”

  1. sexiimama Says:

    haha ok…well first of all..those shoes are pretty nifty…you should have picked some up for Emma & Jax haha..secondly..that massager..damnnn hahaha and third..I personally think mohawks are cute LOL wait..in the summer I recall you had a mohawklet LOL yup..got pics to prove it hahah

  2. sexiimama Says:

    Oh and your next blog idea should be ppl who spell really funniii words lol
    like boiiii and babiiii and sexiii ahahha I think you could make fun of me pretty good! haha

  3. Lexus!!!!!!! Says:

    OK so i loved it once again alex!!!!! standing ovation!!!!! and i think kristin is right those kids shoes were cute lol!!!! and i totally agree that the full on mohawklet is bad lol i like a faux hawk they are cute my baby boi has one and i love it lol!!!!!!!! and i agree you should make fun kristin in your next blog hahahhahaha

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