Snow, Wal Mart, and undiscovered twins

It’s been a few days people, and I’ve been slacking with my blogs. I know! I’ve had people who say “what the fuck Alex. Where’s the next blog?!” And I say “Get the fuck off my back, I’m working on it!” Haha, only kidding. But it’s nice to know I have such loyal readers. So without further adieu, my next installment in shit your pants laughing theatre.

So it’s been a great few days this past week with the weather. It’s been sunny, hardly any rain, maybe a little wind here and there but all in all, fantastic weather for March. Suddenly one day breaks this record we’ve seem to had and everyone flips. It snowed yesterday, but the weather today melted it away. Can I also remind you people we live in Canada here! There’s snow, a good portion of time through November-late March, even sometimes early April. It’s completely normal and if I hear ONE more damn complaint about the snow, I’ll flip the fuck out. Maybe if you dressed proper for the weather idiots. If snow happened in Florida, then it might be a reason to complain.

palmtrees-snow

canada-snow

So I went swimming after having not gone swimming in like….a fucking long time, I don’t even know how long it’s been. I think “okay, I’m looking fit. My suit fits (which was surprising), I’m gonna get in and just try to run some back and forth swim type warm ups.” Fuck, was I wrong. First off, don’t ever do a dive like you see on TV in the Olympics, cause you are no professional like them. I hit that water like a fat guy, my belly was red as a lobster! To sum it up, I wasn’t as par as I thought I was, ended up looking like Phelps on pot (wait a sec…), and ended up hurting my stomach and neck to shit. It’s probably why I spent the last 10 minutes in the sauna.

cannonball

On a side note, I usually skim photo sites looking for pictures to photoshop for my blogs (unless I snap some myself, which I have done before), and I ran across a photo everyone needs to check out. Look at this guy, he’s fucking tickling a shark! That motherfucker gets props from me, because if he did it even 1% wrong, he’d have no hand. Kudos to you, shark tickler.

049sharkdm_800x979

So it’s no assumption that almost everyone on this planet (over-exaggerating of course) has been into Wal Mart at one time or another. Well I’m in there the other day, and I grab 2 cans of ravioli, some candy and pizza pops. I get to a line with one other woman in it, and think “great, less of a wait”. God, was I wrong. The lady in front of me was Asian and she’s going on one of those typical Asian rants in line to the cashier. Now I understand people can have there rants, but hers was ridiculous. I’m paraphrasing here, but it went something like this: “Sorry miss, no these pants are coming up at $14.96.” “No, tho pans aw fo-teen dolla” (yes that’s how she pronounced it). I’m thinking, for a measly $0.96 you’re making a huff? Seriously, who cares. Then a manager comes over and explains she looked on the shelf she got them from and they are $14.96. Then the Asian lady again goes on a rant, “NO! They aw only fo-teen dolla. I show you way I got dem”. Needless to say another cash opened up at this point and I moved lines.

wal-mart_checkout

Another thing that was hilarious about another Wal Mart experience. There’s this huge blockade of people set up right outside the sport section, and I’m wondering if maybe there’s a book signing, some sort of local celebrity, maybe Sam Walton is there. Who the fuck knows! Oh no, nothing like that, turns out these people are watching a knife demonstration. Fuck off, and get out my way idiots. But oh no, it’s not just a knife demonstration, once you sit there blocking the aisles surrounding it to any and everyone for 20-30 minutes, you get a free pairing knife. All this shit for a $3 pairing knife. You people are suckers to Wal Mart. You might as well be sucking Sam Walton’s dick. It’s also important to note at one point the woman who was doing the demonstration left to take a break or something and these people were still waiting.

wal-mart-knife

Anyone here a Britney fan? Well I wouldn’t call myself a fan, but apparently people who look like me are HUGE fans. A couple of my friends went to the Britney Spears concert in Toronto the other night. It was a huge comeback tour I was told, but during all this they noticed a guy sitting a few rows away who looked like me. Now I admit, his nose looks nothing like mine, and I wouldn’t wear a scarf as an accessory to save my life. But other then that, that guy is my “Jew twin”. Makes me wonder if I have Asian twins, or twins of any other race. God can only hope if I do, they aren’t complaining about measly shit at Wal Mart.

jew-twin

BONUS: Another proof of twins
Has anyone else noticed how shockingly similar Bill Gates and Stephen Hawking look alike? It’s funny that in some odd world, these two were brothers. Way to go Bill, you look like a vegetable who speaks through a box.

gates_hawking_

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2 Responses to “Snow, Wal Mart, and undiscovered twins”

  1. it was an okay concert except she never sang, and she only spoke to the auidence 2 times and that was to say Thank You! LOL … “She was like a guest star appearing at her own show”… I read that somewhere.

  2. OHHH alex i love these blogs seriously awsome you were made to do this lol!!!!!!! and by the way the guy he actually does look a lot like you lol but like you said not the same nose at all lol!!!!!!! can’t wait for your next one!!!!

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