Rim rollin’, cheesy one liners, and Nazis

Sitting around I usually find it very easy to find things that annoy the shit out of me. It’s sometimes even easier to find something that makes me laugh hysterically. So far from what I’ve written in these blogs, I have quite the following. I’d just like to say thanks to all my loyal readers. Now that the sentimental moment is over, let’s get this shit fucking rolling.

From February til around May Tim Horton’s runs the “Roll Up The Rim” promotion (now before I begin, I’m not badmouthing Tim Horton’s at all. I’m making fun of something people try to take advantage of during these times). Something I find absolutely downright funny, is that people can get so pissed about not winning at “Roll Up”. It’s just a coffee game, it’s not like you just lost $30,000 at the poker table. And another thing I laugh at is those people who win a coffee, but then get to the register and go “I don’t drink coffee. Is it possible to redeem this for a coke?”. No, it’s not okay to redeem it for a coke. Plus if you don’t drink coffee, how did you win a free coffee that came from a coffee cup?

roll-up

Bars, what is there to say about them. Either you love them, or you sorta like them but would rather not go. People can have love-hate relationships with them as well. But nothing is worse then going to a bar and trying to get picked up by cheesy pick up lines. It’s mostly women, but men can get the cheesy lines sometime. Here’s a list of some of the worst shit you will ever hear. Whoever has fallen for any of these, I feel sorry for you.

1. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
2. Do you wanna go for a snapple? (True story. The guy asking must have been 5 fucking years old. What a loser)
3. Is your last name Gilette, cause you’re the best a man can get
4. What has 142 teeth and holds back The Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
5. Hey, how about you pick me up from my doctor’s appointment and then we can go do something? (Another true story. This guy was also a loser for putting this line out there. It’s a note to add that the two people had never met or even talked on a regular basis)

mario

So the other day I get picked up for work, we go and pick up the other guy who’s in our carpool and head off on the expressway to work. Everything’s going great, all is good on the roads. I’m sitting in the back, minding my own business for a few minutes and suddenly SCREECH! The breaks skid and I’m thinking “who the fuck doesn’t know how to lane change that we had to slam on the breaks?!”. I should have looked up first though, cause as I look up I instantly reacted. There was a lifeless body lying on the expressway. What the fuck?! Who could comprehend what was going on. It seems the man jumped off a bridge to try to end his life. Who are we fucking kidding here. This guy chooses a 15′ bridge over an expressway. People could survive that (as he did). Turns out he has two broken legs. Way to fuck other peoples days up by trying to kill yourself and failing most of all. I was sympathetic when I thought he might be dead or seriously injured, but two broken legs. I missed eating before work because I was sickened by what I saw. Stupid bridge jumper.

p.s. We almost hit the guy with the car, and if he had fallen on the roof of the car or damaged the front fender by hitting it when he jumped, it’s not covered by your auto insurance.

car-insurance1

Has anyone seen the new Academy award nominated movie, The Reader? Well it made me think. Rarely ever do you see a movie with Nazis or even Germans who speak in a German accent. Nine out of ten times these SS officers have an accent from one of the British Isles, mostly England. Really, you expect me to believe that some guy tortured and burned Jews alive, and then you give him the same accent as John Cleese. I laugh that they’ve even now given German roles to white actors with no accent or experience in accent work in film. Get me some real big Hitler motherfucker and I’d buy into that film 100%. Otherwise, it’s probably a great film but I won’t get into it.

winslet-nazi

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6 Responses to “Rim rollin’, cheesy one liners, and Nazis”

  1. Mercedes Says:

    Alex. Well what can I say. Im a tru fan of yours but you need to spice it up..the random topics just arent cutting it..try to stay on one subject..even if its a small blog it could make things funnier..or talk about one thing with 3 different sub headings 🙂 Either way..that guy that asked that chick to pic him up from his docs appt must be a real loser LOL what a gay pick up line..geeeshh..men these days ! MAN HATE! lmfao

  2. Lexus lol! Says:

    OHHHHH MYYYY GOOODDD!!!!! lol i love this site alex lol….its truly funny especially running on no sleep sitting at work all night lol……..the rollll up the rim to win love it my boyfriend does it too lol hahahaha now he just laughs and says wow i won the chance to play again lol!!!! the pick up lines are priceless… and the nazis thing well i dont really watch a lot of nazi movies soooo lol…..cant wait for ur next blog!!!!!

  3. Hi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.

  4. You can get a tea with your coffee tab LOL…

    • humourgod87 Says:

      Yes, you can get a tea, coffee, any hot smoothie, french vanilla, or hot chocolate. I think the people who ask for a cold drink though deserve to get a smack upside there heads lol

  5. Interesting blog, I’ll try and spread the word.

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