Sex swings, card games and dirty eskimos

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So I’m sitting here thinking, ‘I can just take it easy til I can come up with the next few topics to discuss for my next blog’. That’s what I thought, but my blogging has become so fan famous in just 2 blogs I’ve been asked to crank another one. I feel like a circus freak here. This is my freak of nature talent, blogging apparently keeps the crowds flocking back. This, my friends, is a blog by request. Now you’d think, “Why the fuck would he let a good thing go bad by writing about something he didn’t even want really?” Listen, shut up okay? I thought about it and I pieced it together. It took me a couple days longer to work the little pieces together but it’s going to be hopefully as funny. The topic of choice for this blogs madams and sirs, is sex. So grab your lube, pop on some Redtube porn, strap on the dildos and clean your sphincter cause this shit is about to go hardcore.

Now unlike my normal blogs (the two that I have had), I usually rant on about things that annoy me, piss me off or make me shit my pants with laughter. This time it’s all over the fucking page. It could be funny, it could be just downright stupid. It’s sex here folks, it’s not rocket science.

Sex toys, fuck chairs, and all the in between

You’d think everyone knew almost everything there was to know about the world of sex and sexual pleasuring. Well no, everyone is not Jenna Jameson, so sit down and read. I listen and read a lot of shit so I find myself to be pretty knowledgeable about a lot of things. One thing that shocked me the other day was finding out there was such a thing as a sex chair, but oh no people it wasn’t just a chair. It somehow folded out into a table with straps and gagging devices if I remember right. Who needs that, honestly? Have people forgot that a bed is not just for sleeping. That’s a pretty flat surface, and guess what it probably feels better then fucking on a hard table. This lead into another sex like apparatus people get very into. The sex swing. It’s very popular with people who want to get the feeling back from childhood apparently. Who wants to reminisce about there childhood memories while having sex?! And if you don’t take my word for it, take a look:picture-41love-swing

Something just isn’t right about that.  Who possibly wants to reminisce about their childhood while having kinky sex?! And who are these people kidding. I’m sure most people don’t refer to it as a “love swing”. Yes, people make love and people fuck, but it’s highly unlikely you’re making love while your fucking mission impossible style. I’d like to point out though, as much as I have just said about it, it might look like it’s not for me and that it’s old news. I for one want to set for the record, a swing might be in my future. Fuck yes! Another funny hilarious fact about this popular sex apparatus is people are now finding ways to use it in there everyday lives. Look below for my example, this is a true review I kid you not:

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It’s not fun at all I’ll tell you. The swing is for fucking, not watching some pigskin get tossed around. What’s next, having your sex slave chairs and table set up for poker night?

Speaking of card games though people have now taken regular decks of cards and turned them into sex games of some kind. But the ones that take the top honour is games like the one below:

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Who would wanna make sex into a card game? Card games take too long! Hahaha. You don’t see people playing sudoku while having sex. It might bring a whole new meaning to 69.

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Nudie pictures, and the things that come from them

It’s almost assumed that 90% of people these days have taken pictures of a naughty nature. Whether this be for a giggle (hopefully not), arousal, revenge (someone takes one then sends it to all your close friends to get back at you), teasing, or sexual pleasuring (pretty self explanatory. If you don’t get it, you shouldn’t be reading this blog haha). But these days it seems as long as you can get the trust of someone, you might just show your goods. Or like this dude:

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He clearly probably can’t even play “Mary had a little lamb”, but he knows chicks dig the guitar. Another thing that is very popular today is sending naughty pictures over a cell phone. Picture messaging has now become almost as easy to use as text messages. It’s as easy as cutting and pasting if you were in grade 1 for everyone to fully understand. If you’ve ever taken a naughty or dirty picture you’ve probably also sent that picture over a phone. Now you’re dirty on a technological level. Way to go, bud.

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Such pictures can fly from one person to another possibly, get lost or sent through cyberspace. Beware of who you decide to show your tits (if you’re a woman), or your cock (if you’re a guy) to, cause next thing you know you could be rolling through google and there it is for everyone to stare and oogle. This image below kinda reminds me of a modern day “Pink Floyd Cover Art”, but it’s just women and their thongs hanging out. Everyone can stop drooling now.

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Things that sound dirty but aren’t

Have you ever seen something and thought “what the hell is this doing in the plain view of everyone to see?!” but then realized you were looking at a can of tuna. Take a look at these things, that we see probably everyday:

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Double stuffed oreos, how did Nabisco look past this one? Could it be more sexual? I suppose they could have been called double penetration oreos, but the name was scrapped by a 5-3 vote. And another thing that sounds dirty, but by no sense is it at all, 3 way calling. Something sounds mildly dirty about it, but unless your on a conference 3 way with two hookers from Bangkok, then no.

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BONUS: Halloween costumes

Take anything and you can make it into a woman’s costume. Sexy cop, sexy sailor, sexy sex slave (that ones a little too much haha).

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Sexy eskimo, really?! This one is ridiculous cause who would dress as a regular eskimo? People would ask what you are, get confused then just go “Oh, you’re a Canadian”. Fuck you pricks.

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2 Responses to “Sex swings, card games and dirty eskimos”

  1. LOL come one now..thats as dirty and R rated you could have gotten? LOL Alex ALex Alex..So youve taken on the name of ‘dirty on a technological level’ cuz Ive seen PLENTY of your dirty messages LOL Pretty nice hahahaha anyways it was good. Not as funny as your other ones..I think the sex swing is old news..there are alot of sexier fun things out there to do 😛 hahah anyways..keep it up haha

  2. Have you seen the mattress that has ankle and wrist straps attached to it? Or perhaps you’ll recall the Titty Blow Masturbator? Now THAT’S effed. Whatever happened to good ol’ P in the V? lol

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