Welcome To Crackbook

In this day and age, we have all come to love the newage technologies we have come so accustomed to. For instance, what would we do without DVD’s, MP3’s, our ever popular Blackberry’s (which famously has been dubbed “Crackberry”), or the internet? We’d all fucking go nuts, that’s what! If we find ourselves even 2 hours without one of these we’ll start to feel like we’re cut off from the outside world. But one of these massive technologies has shaped the way everyday people live. This my friends, is Facebook. Now I’m not gonna ramble on about how it was formed cause as I’m sure we all know, it’s one of those triumphant rise from the ashes just as you think you’re down stories. Fuck you, Mark Zuckerburg. Seriously though, it’s changed the platform for social gatherings, friendships and even relationships. Here goes my rant on what pisses me off and makes me chuckle a little about our favourite social website.

Things that make me say “Fuck this, I’m leaving Facebook”:

1. Facebook is now available to almost everyone in the entire world. It can be translated into English, French, Chinese, so on and so on. You get my point. That’s great, let’s let everyone become friends with someone they never met, and who lives in Jersey while they live in Mumbai. That’s great that Carl and Mumumbo can be friends, but one thing that pisses me right the fuck off, is how reliable a news source Facebook has become. Are you fucking kidding me?! This site is no better then Wikipedia (and I’m not badmouthing Wikipedia or nothing), but anyone can post anything they want. And on top of this all, it spins itself another way. Facebook is a news source, but it’s also been included in the news, not as a source. If you want an example, check out this link. It took journalism hundreds of years to be considered respected and trusted, and now its all gone to shit cause of this.

2. Facebook was once a handy site, where it was just for socializing and talking to friends from years past. Then they slowly edged in other things like ads so we don’t have to pay for the site. Cool, I thought. But this was just the beginning of the shit storm. They brought in applications and at first everyone was okay with them, but then they started bringing in hundreds upon hundreds of stupid pointless retarded applications. I’ve compiled a short list of things I thing are fucking stupid:

I only made it bigger so everyone can see just how dumb these are. Let’s go down the list. Lexulous claims to be the most amazing word game in the world. Not just 6 continents, but the entire world. Who is the creator of this kidding?! Have they never heard of Scrabble, or even Boggle. I’d even consider a crossword more popular then this shit. The next application on the list is Food Fight. If you have to be so stupid as to have a virtual food fight to get out some sort of teenage angst, you need to get a life, seriously. The application below that one is called Will you KISS me? It claims it will let you send kisses to family, friends, lovers, loved ones and even crushes. Who in there right mind would a) be sending kisses to a lover. Let me explain. This to me sounds like you’re sending one to an affair you’re having. No one wants that public so why would they? and b) No one sends there crushes a kiss. Who’s kidding here, they can barely talk to the person and you’d think they’d send a virtual kiss. Here’s a virtual fuck you to that application. And lastly an application called Thinking Of You. It says you can send cute and cuddly virtual gifts and pictures to friends and loved ones to let them know you’re thinking of them. Here’s an idea, WRITE IT ON THEIR WALL! If I wanna drop someone a message or a hello, I’m not sending some fuzzy cat. And I’m sure as hell not throwing a flaming potato pie either.

BONUS: What’s with tagging people who are in the background of a photo, or if one appendage is in frame? If they’re not a focal point of the photo, don’t tag them. It’s really annoying and when the person goes to see what photo of them has been tagged and sees that shit, they’ll delete your tag.

Things that make me go “Alright, I’ll stay on Facebook cause this is hilarious”:

1. Status updates. Not just status updates though, ones where people update there status like every hour or something though. Some people do it more often that that! It’s great you’re out going for a walk, or about to go to work but we don’t need to know when you got in from that walk that it was windy as hell out, or when you got to work that someone told you to pack up your shit and get out. I laugh a little when I see these people update, and some are interesting to read but the rest I just go “Oh, shit so and so updated again. Let’s see what they’re getting into now”.

No for anyone wondering, she doesn’t update that much. But that’s the kind of thing I laugh about, haha.

2. The social aspect of Facebook has become the norm now adays that people are forgetting the old fashioned way of doing things. This could include talking to friends, staying in touch, making plans, making friends, reading news and  looking through pictures. But one of these Facebook social aspects takes the cake. Recently, I heard from a close friend of mine that she had been talking to a new guy. Nothing seems weird about that. But here’s where it gets fucking hilarious. Out of the blue he sends her a relationship request to be his girlfriend. She was awestruck as she kindly asked him why he had sent the request considering they were not in a relationship. He told her that was his way of asking her out. Hahahahaha, seriously? Have you never heard of a date, or even in person. How incredibly low do you have to be to not even ask in person? You want her to be yours and only yours and you ask over a social website. You, sir are the dumbest man ever. For all you wondering, she naturally turned him down.

Facebook has changed the world we live in, but it’s damn addictive. Welcome to Crackbook. Facebook’s Anonymous meets on Thursdays.